Negotiating a Happy Christmas for the Children

Article date: 16.12.10

*Divorced and separated couples who cannot agree on arrangements for children over Christmas should consider mediation to work things out, rather than an application to the court, according to family experts.

Christmas is presented as a time of universal happiness and enjoyment, but the reality does not always live up to such expectations.  As a result, the aftermath of Christmas is always a busy time for family law solicitors.

Everyone agrees that Christmas is a time when the children should come first and parents are being urged to put aside their differences and adopt some simple tips:

  • Try to make arrangements for where the children are to stay well in advance. Children do not like uncertainty so the ideal is to have an arrangement that will be repeated over the years, for example one year the children spend Christmas Day with Mum and Boxing Day with Dad, and the next year this is reversed.
  • Parents must not compete over presents for the children.
  • Presents should be agreed to prevent duplication or other practical problems.
  • It is stressful, confusing and upsetting for children if their parents argue or show ill will towards each other, so parents should be polite and positive towards each other when picking up or handing over the children.


Mrs Lynne Barton, the family lawyer with Aldridge Brownlee Solicitors said:  “There is an increasing emphasis on mediation which should be good news for the whole family.   It is likely to become a requirement in due course that separating couples should have an interview to look at their suitability for mediation, as an alternative to the traditional Court process.  It is a much more cost effective way of doing things and it is important that couples find some way to help them resolve issues in an amicable way rather than through Court proceedings.”

“The Courts are not an ideal place to sort out marital problems as they are adversarial rather than aimed at finding solutions.   Whether you have problems agreeing arrangements for children or the division of assets, mediation can offer an effective way of coming to a solution that both parties can sign up to.”

In a Court case the parties each present their case and then a Judge makes the final decision.  This can leave a party, possibly both parties, feeling upset as the Judge has taken control of decisions affecting their future.  .

By contrast, mediation is about finding mutually acceptable outcomes. The mediator talks to each party separately, finds out what is really important to them and facilitates discussion to enable them to reach an agreement that they are both able to live with. The important thing is that the parties are in control because they can say yes or no to any proposal.

Some useful advice for parents can also be found on the website of Resolution, at www.resolution.org.uk

*This is not legal advice; it is intended to provide information of general interest about current legal issues.